Florissant, MO (KSDK) -- No more monkey business.
Florissant police say the original report of a baboon being spotted in a back yard in Florissant has been dismissed as a hoax.
Florissant Detectives spent the better part of the day investigating the incident.
Police said a 14-year-old juvenile has admitted that the picture she reported to have taken of the baboon in her backyard was actually taken from an animal website.
It will be up to the St. Louis County Family Court to decide what happens to the girl.
The hoax consumed a large amount of time and manpower Thursday afternoon as police feared a potentially dangerous primate was roaming the streets of Florissant.
St. Louis Zoo officials responded to share their baboon expertise with authorities.
Diana Gulotta with Hazelwood Schools said students at Jana Elementary School in Florissant were denied their outdoor activities as a security precaution in case the baboon got onto school property.
So it was all a hoax! Who knew? Well I guess we can all just go back to our work and let our little ones out to play and leave our volleyballs just lying around without a care. And be prepared to watch your world crumble.
Have you people learned nothing from films and cartoons? The ‘hoax’ claim only makes things more harrowing! This baboon is smarter than we thought—if he or she is indeed a baboon at all—and he or she is obviously not working alone. It has someone at the news station, of that we can be sure. He has the Windsor moppet (I was on to her from the beginning, if you’ll remember). Does he have an inside guy with the force? Probably, and I’m sure he has rally monkeys at the zoo who have infiltrated the zookeepers. This is bad people.
I think it best if we all abide by some simple rules until we have this beast contained:
1) Be alert. Stay indoors when possible and beware of walking near trees or recreational facilities.
2) Stay armed. I am carrying a few spare bananas to ensure my ability to lure and then throw so the monkey might leave me to escape. Also, I have a .45 in my pocket.
3) Never trust a monkey. They will seduce you in with their monkey play and then its feces throwing and tickle fighting.
4) Teach your children basic monkey safety and preparedness. I’m not saying you should build a bomb shelter or anything crazy but I don’t think a community monkey siren would be taking things too far.
5) Take the news with a grain of salt. On Fox News last night I saw a report that a democrat ate three live republicans. On TMZ it appears Michael Jackson isn’t dead but actually living in a cabin with the old dancing Six Flags man (they share tuxedos). CNN is reporting stuff about Global Warming. News is sensational these days so don’t believe all you’re told. Remember, that is what the baboon wants.
As I hunt for the culprit and the truth I will keep you posted. Do not for a blink think this thing resolved. We seem to be very much on our own on this one as the government has yet to return any of my calls . . . it is like Katrina Relief all over again.
20 August 2010
19 August 2010
A Serious Situation. Please Be Wary.
From KSDK News comes this:
“Florissant, Mo (KSDK) -- Florissant police are searching for what appears to be a baboon on the loose.
Sgt. Kevin Boscher said the department received more than one report of a loose baboon near Patterson and Moulet on Thursday morning.
Florissant officers are in the area and the St. Louis Zoo officials are assisting.
A woman named Samantha Windsor took a picture of the baboon with her cell phone. The primate's face is dark blue and black.
Windsor said she was awoken this morning by her barking dog. When she looked out into her yard, she saw the baboon standing under a small tree in her yard.
Windsor decided to take a picture with her cell phone. The phone says "smile" when you snap a picture. The baboon became agitated by that command and ran off to play with a volleyball.
Diana Gulotta with Hazelwood Schools said Jana Elementary School in Florissant is not doing any outdoor activities after they received a call from the Florissant Police Department about the search for a "monkey." They are considering exercising caution at other schools as well.
Gulotta said they are keeping close contact with officials so they know what they need to do to keep the kids safe.”
Can we please go over some of the ways in which this is one of the most stirring and captivating reports of 2010. Features like this—and yes, I could certainly see a battle for film rights ensuing—don’t come about often. The raw battle of Man vs. Beast scarcely comes so vividly to our attention and reminds us that it is a dangerous world with the ferocious lurking.
Let’s go over what we know as the stand-off unfurls, so as to be prepared and possibly assist in bringing this dire situation to a somewhat peaceable—if that is even possible—close.
First, the monster in question “appears to be a baboon”. So don’t go out there a pocket full of bananas set on catching a monkey, folks. This could be a shaggy, upright dog, or an especially masculine man of smallish variety. It would be, at this point, like telling someone there was a rat in the kitchen and them sauntering in and finding a grizzly bear waiting. Okay so it is not really like that at all, but really it is even though it isn’t . . . it just is, okay? My point is don’t expect a monkey, it could be anything at this point. Anything.
Also, remember that the otherworldly creature is ‘loose’. No strings attached here, both figuratively and literally. This thing could do anything: no parents, no leash, no cage, just one very free baboon-looking entity capable of everything evil baboon-looking entities with complete freedom are known for, a list we will go over in brief (not briefs, let’s be professional people).
Notice that both police—very good with monkeys of all sorts—and local zookeepers are on the hunt. Does this mean the ‘baboon’ is from the zoo? Have you ever read any Conan Doyle? Maybe the zookeepers are there to tranquilize over-excited law officials, amped on adrenaline from dealing with this ‘thing’? Maybe they aren’t there at all? Maybe this is a diversion a cover-up of sorts . . . is there anything to distract from in the city aside from the Cardinals poor play? At this point it is all elementary but elementarily unclear.
Next, who is this "Samantha Windsor" and why did she have first contact. Is she in cahoots with our convict? Sounds fishy to me, but alas there are bigger monkeys to fry here . . . at least one we know of for sure.
Ms. or Mr. (let's assume nothing here . . . I'm sure there are many males named Samantha about. It's like when that kid got in a wreck and his mom was the surgeon, remember that. Everyone always thinks it's his dad. We cannot afford to repeat the same mistakes, people!) Windsor then fired off a picture revealing a black and blue face. Does this suggest a violent monkey? Perhaps, a monkey boxer? I think it is safe, smart even, to assume we have a fighting primate wandering our schools and backyards.
The monkey was a morning monkey. He was also in the shade which tells me he does not like the heat. He is no tropical baboon, but more of cold weather dweller, perhaps a polar monkey. Also, notice he was not in the tree, even a small, easy-to-climb variety, but on the ground. He is unpredictable and thus all the more dangerous. Had the Windsor fellow not scurried up and fought the monkey back via phone camera I am 99% certain he was preparing to eat her dog (which had a bark strong enough to wake her from a sound sleep and thus had to have been a huge dog, a huskey or bigger; to take on a dog like that indicates great strength and greater fearlessness). This monkey’s business is beyond monkey business.
What sort of a monkey becomes agitated at the command of ‘smile’? I’ve seen enough post cards of grinning chimpanzees to know monkeys love to smile. So this is either no monkey at all (as suspected by the police) or a very cranky one, like Donkey Kong.
In his fierce agitation our subject stormed off in a rage to play some volleyball. Oh, this is the worst. I know when I am in my most murderous of fits, nothing assuages the feeling more than a tidy bump, set, spike. This is worse than any of us thought.
The search is on indeed and hopefully the children will remained locked down. The only thing monkey at recess should be the bars, not a dog-eating, volleyball-playing, boxing beast. Think if this guy got to dominating recess volleyball and then bored wreaked havoc on the four-score boxes: self-esteems could bottom out. My thoughts are with those bravely standing firm in those schools. Begin the count, Day 1.
I’ll keep you posted but keep a look out while in the shade, near trees or dogs, or in the general proximity of volleyball or net.
Godspeed in the hunt.
“Florissant, Mo (KSDK) -- Florissant police are searching for what appears to be a baboon on the loose.
Sgt. Kevin Boscher said the department received more than one report of a loose baboon near Patterson and Moulet on Thursday morning.
Florissant officers are in the area and the St. Louis Zoo officials are assisting.
A woman named Samantha Windsor took a picture of the baboon with her cell phone. The primate's face is dark blue and black.
Windsor said she was awoken this morning by her barking dog. When she looked out into her yard, she saw the baboon standing under a small tree in her yard.
Windsor decided to take a picture with her cell phone. The phone says "smile" when you snap a picture. The baboon became agitated by that command and ran off to play with a volleyball.
Diana Gulotta with Hazelwood Schools said Jana Elementary School in Florissant is not doing any outdoor activities after they received a call from the Florissant Police Department about the search for a "monkey." They are considering exercising caution at other schools as well.
Gulotta said they are keeping close contact with officials so they know what they need to do to keep the kids safe.”
Can we please go over some of the ways in which this is one of the most stirring and captivating reports of 2010. Features like this—and yes, I could certainly see a battle for film rights ensuing—don’t come about often. The raw battle of Man vs. Beast scarcely comes so vividly to our attention and reminds us that it is a dangerous world with the ferocious lurking.
Let’s go over what we know as the stand-off unfurls, so as to be prepared and possibly assist in bringing this dire situation to a somewhat peaceable—if that is even possible—close.
First, the monster in question “appears to be a baboon”. So don’t go out there a pocket full of bananas set on catching a monkey, folks. This could be a shaggy, upright dog, or an especially masculine man of smallish variety. It would be, at this point, like telling someone there was a rat in the kitchen and them sauntering in and finding a grizzly bear waiting. Okay so it is not really like that at all, but really it is even though it isn’t . . . it just is, okay? My point is don’t expect a monkey, it could be anything at this point. Anything.
Also, remember that the otherworldly creature is ‘loose’. No strings attached here, both figuratively and literally. This thing could do anything: no parents, no leash, no cage, just one very free baboon-looking entity capable of everything evil baboon-looking entities with complete freedom are known for, a list we will go over in brief (not briefs, let’s be professional people).
Notice that both police—very good with monkeys of all sorts—and local zookeepers are on the hunt. Does this mean the ‘baboon’ is from the zoo? Have you ever read any Conan Doyle? Maybe the zookeepers are there to tranquilize over-excited law officials, amped on adrenaline from dealing with this ‘thing’? Maybe they aren’t there at all? Maybe this is a diversion a cover-up of sorts . . . is there anything to distract from in the city aside from the Cardinals poor play? At this point it is all elementary but elementarily unclear.
Next, who is this "Samantha Windsor" and why did she have first contact. Is she in cahoots with our convict? Sounds fishy to me, but alas there are bigger monkeys to fry here . . . at least one we know of for sure.
Ms. or Mr. (let's assume nothing here . . . I'm sure there are many males named Samantha about. It's like when that kid got in a wreck and his mom was the surgeon, remember that. Everyone always thinks it's his dad. We cannot afford to repeat the same mistakes, people!) Windsor then fired off a picture revealing a black and blue face. Does this suggest a violent monkey? Perhaps, a monkey boxer? I think it is safe, smart even, to assume we have a fighting primate wandering our schools and backyards.
The monkey was a morning monkey. He was also in the shade which tells me he does not like the heat. He is no tropical baboon, but more of cold weather dweller, perhaps a polar monkey. Also, notice he was not in the tree, even a small, easy-to-climb variety, but on the ground. He is unpredictable and thus all the more dangerous. Had the Windsor fellow not scurried up and fought the monkey back via phone camera I am 99% certain he was preparing to eat her dog (which had a bark strong enough to wake her from a sound sleep and thus had to have been a huge dog, a huskey or bigger; to take on a dog like that indicates great strength and greater fearlessness). This monkey’s business is beyond monkey business.
What sort of a monkey becomes agitated at the command of ‘smile’? I’ve seen enough post cards of grinning chimpanzees to know monkeys love to smile. So this is either no monkey at all (as suspected by the police) or a very cranky one, like Donkey Kong.
In his fierce agitation our subject stormed off in a rage to play some volleyball. Oh, this is the worst. I know when I am in my most murderous of fits, nothing assuages the feeling more than a tidy bump, set, spike. This is worse than any of us thought.
The search is on indeed and hopefully the children will remained locked down. The only thing monkey at recess should be the bars, not a dog-eating, volleyball-playing, boxing beast. Think if this guy got to dominating recess volleyball and then bored wreaked havoc on the four-score boxes: self-esteems could bottom out. My thoughts are with those bravely standing firm in those schools. Begin the count, Day 1.
I’ll keep you posted but keep a look out while in the shade, near trees or dogs, or in the general proximity of volleyball or net.
Godspeed in the hunt.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
